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Driver's Seat
Marvels of TV ads
By BOB DRIVER, columnist
Article published on Wednesday, Jan. 18, 2006 |
The world of TV advertising is filled with wonder and mystery.
Here’s a recent TV ad: A car dealer stands in his lot, shouting (car dealers all shout) about how great his deals are. He then takes a sledgehammer and demolishes the side window of a perfectly nice car. “Still unconvinced?” he bellows to the viewer. “OK, then watch this!” A huge pickup truck with oversize wheels appears and smashes into the front of another driveable car, caving in the hood. I assume this destructive travesty is supposed to persuade you and me to buy our next car from this maniac. Not bloody likely, I’d say.
Advertisers are desperate to attract our attention. That explains the car-wrecking scenario, as well as the ads featuring sexy women, cute babies, dogs, celebrity shills (such as James Earl Jones for Verizon), and computerized special effects. About one ad in 20 is clever or distinctive enough to stand out. The rest are forgettable. The least imaginative are those by the big car companies. Most of them feature shots of a car on a shiny-wet highway, usually out west, just driving along. Thrilling.
TV advertising is growing, like a fungus or an ever-fattening toad in the living room. Commercial breaks on TV shows used to last a couple of minutes. Today you may have to sit through five minutes of commercials at a time. A voice-over pleads with you not to stray. The most common phrases used on TV programs are “Don’t go away” and “We’ll be right back.”
Smart viewers use the advertising breaks to read, go potty, write poetry, fold laundry, comb the cat or switch to other channels. If I were king, TV stations would be fined for any commercial break lasting longer than 90 seconds. Of course, that would result in many stations and TV networks going bankrupt. Which wouldn’t be such a bad idea.
Advertisements tend to contain the same tired stereotyped ideas: (1) Most husbands are obese idiots. (2) Wives are long-suffering geniuses. (3) The only term of affection couples use is “honey.” (4) Working stiffs all have Brooklyn accents. (5) Being silly is the same as being funny.
An unofficial quota system dominates the advertisers’ selection of who appears in TV ads. Today, most ads will show Hispanics, blacks and Asians in about the same proportion as Caucasians. I also think I’m beginning to see a greater percentage of effeminate men in TV ads, compared to 10 or 20 years ago. This politically correct inclusiveness is not merely a reflection of the advertiser’s desire to reach wider markets; it also shows that advertisers are scared witless of being sued by a minority group for being excluded from ads.
Something you will NOT soon see in a TV ad, however, is a mixed-racial couple (i.e., a black married to a white) – even though mixed marriages are commonplace today. Advertisers will occasionally go out on a limb, but not very far.
Year in and year out, the prize for bonehead (and often hilarious) ads goes to ego-driven business owners who insist on starring in their own ads. Such ads deserve two responses: a boycott of the store, and/or immediate use of the TV set’s OFF button.
Send Bob Driver an e-mail at tralee71@comcast.net.
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Article published on Wednesday, Jan. 18, 2006
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