The casual conversation on trivia night at a local pub went astray, as usual.
“Do you know that there’s a television show specifically for dogs?” Brad said, between questions.
He wasn’t kidding. Now comes the “First Television Channel for Dogs” – DOGTV.
The pay channel’s 24/7 programming “helps stimulate, entertain, relax and habituate dogs with shows that expose them to various movements, sounds, objects, experiences and behavior patterns, all from a dog’s point of view,” its website says.
Depending on the cable provider the cost is between $4.99 and $9.99 a month.
Yup, it’s the latest contribution to the advancement of the joys of pampering pets.
“What’s next?” Brad asked. “Pet pornography?”
Oh, why not.
If Richthofen the Doberman seems moody or out of sorts, what’s wrong with perking up the Pinscher with a DVD such as “Penelope the Promiscuous Poodle.”
“Don’t you like the way that gal wags her tail, Richthofen? Beats hell out of watching Scoobie-Doo, doesn’t it?”
More on pet pampering: Many communities are embracing regulations allowing people to bring their pets to restaurants. I have mixed feelings on this matter. I don’t mind eating at restaurants where dogs are sitting at their owners feet – as long as the dogs don’t smoke.
However, I also have seen people bring their dogs to restaurants and put them on blankets on the ground under the blazing summer sun. That borders on animal abuse, to me. I just hope I never have to give CPR to a dog, even if she’s as cute as Penelope.
Speaking of animal abuse, I wonder if the time will come when mistreated, neglected or slandered dogs show up in court with an attorney?
One of the most clear-cut cases of cruelty to animals that has been ongoing for decades is practiced by one of our lower institutions of learning, the University of Georiga. There ought to be a law against any dog being forced to be a mascot bearing the name UGA after that loathsome school. Of course, being from Georgia, the poor bulldog is probably too dumb to figure that out.
Along those lines, what about pet protests? What if cats and dogs get tired of being paraded around in funny clothes, sunglasses and bonnets? Shouldn’t they be allowed to march down Pennsylvania Avenue in Washingion, D.C., marking every tree and fire hydrant they pass by en route to the White House?
Could be interesting. The longhaired Russkiys against the K9 unit. Film at 11, on DOGTV.
Ever been to a pet cemetery? As a cub reporter, I wrote about one near Vero Beach several decades ago. One of the gravestone epitaphs read, “Sleep well, sweet nose.” There also was a plot for a monkey.
I guess my light-hearted angle to the story angered some readers. I received a letter from a lady chastising me for not taking the death of a lifelong pet seriously. Her point was that pets are people, too. I let her have her say and didn’t respond to her. Sometimes it is better to let sleeping dogs lie.
I wonder what DOGTV’s ratings will be? This from the FAQ about the pay channel:
“My dog seems extra excited when watching DOGTV. Is this ok?”
“DOGTV was designed to offer your dog a variety of stimulations both exciting and relaxing. For the first few times, your dog might be extra excited just like when meeting a new friend.”
Wait till the dog gets a load of Penelope.
I’m wondering if there will ever be a time when pets will enjoy the same constitutional rights and societal privileges as their owners. Will they wear tuxedos to weddings? Be the best man or flower girl?
What about death right for pets? Reason number 100 why I want to be cremated is that I don’t want to be buried near any animal, such as a monkey.