Bob Driver is a former columnist and editorial page editor for the Clearwater Sun. Send Driver an email at tralee71@comcast.net.
The new-word inventors are at it again. In truth, those guys never really quit. They stay awake 24/7 trying to come up with new and often useless words with which to contaminate the American language.
The most recent to come to my attention is “double down.” Example: “As Election Day nears, both candidates are doubling down their campaign activities.” Why not simply say “doubling” or “increasing”? Who needs the “down”? When I get to be king, anyone saying “double down” will have his/her mouth washed out with soap.
It’s not just the new expressions that irk me. Two useless and possibly meaningless phrases that we’ve heard for years are “if you will” and “as it were.” As in: “As Smith’s bank account dwindled, he found himself at the end of his rope, if you will.” If I will what? “With each day, Susie began to inhabit a sort of dream world, as it were.” Wouldn’t it be better to say, “As it was”? Or just say nothing?
At least 65,000 times a year masters of ceremonies throughout the land will say, “Our next speaker needs no introduction …” Really? If that statement is true, then why in God’s name utter it? Why not simply say, “Our next speaker is Kim Kardashian” and then sit down? A similar unneeded expression is “Last, but not least, I give you …” Who says the person is not the least? Who has been keeping track and doing the ranking?
Our friends the British have added a minor piece of language pollution with their inserting “actually” into many sentences that simply do not need it. “Lord Shaftingham, has the weather in Sussex been pleasant?” “Well, actually, we’ve had more rain than we’ve needed … .”
Americans are equally guilty, except that instead of saying “actually” we say “basically” when that word is hardly ever needed. “After the police fired 314 rounds into the serial killer, he was basically dead.” When you hear an interviewee begin his answer by saying, “Well, basically …” you can be pretty sure the guy isn’t ready with a suitable answer and is just stalling for time.
A related complaint about language use (and I’ve got a million of them) stems from people who fancify their speech for no good reason. I once worked with a management consultant who loved the word “concept.” Every time I came up with a suggestion or an idea, he replied, “What a wonderful concept!” or “That concept isn’t worth a dime.” A concept is nothing more than an idea, so why don’t we just call it that?
In the early 1990s, the term “paradigm” came into vogue, especially in management circles. You couldn’t have a staff meeting without running into a dozen or more paradigms. I finally looked up the word’s meaning, and learned that it simply means “model” or “example.” Since then I have tended to distrust anyone who uses “paradigm” in a sentence.
Many useless terms are a product of sheer linguistic laziness. We use them as blankets to cover up our unwillingness to be precise. Example: “blow my mind.” “Her singing simply blew my mind.” Such a usage tells me almost nothing. Was the speaker impressed? Overjoyed? Excited? Awed? Rendered speechless? If any of these words described the speaker’s reaction, why doesn’t he just say so? Answer: because that would require him to stop and think.
The same goes for “lost it.” “When I heard the guy berating his wife, I just lost it.” Lost what, exactly? Your temper? Your self-control? Your respect for the guy?
Fortunately, some useless expressions wear out their welcome and simply disappear from the verbal landscape. One of them was “fair and equitable.” Forty years ago that phrase was spouted by every business or labor reporter in the land. “The settlement between Chrysler and the UAW is regarded as fair and equitable by most observers.” Nobody bothered to point out that “fair” and “equitable” mean almost exactly the same thing.
And who can ever forget “at that point in time” or “at this point in time”? I believe John Dean, of Watergate infamy, started the ball rolling, and everyone else picked it up. The phrase meant “then,” “now,” or “today,” but short words seldom pack the grandiloquence that gasbaggery demands. I don’t seem to encounter many points in time today.
What I do encounter is the insufferable use of the adjective “incredible.” It means “unable to be believed.” But it’s usually applied to events that clearly occurred before our very eyes, and are therefore completely credible.
Finally, we have that obituary chestnut, “He (or she) will be missed.” Says who? Missed by whom? Be specific, can’t you? “The deceased man owed more than $800 to his drinking buddies at Pellano’s Tavern. They will miss him.” That’s how obits should read, don’t you think?
Bob Driver is a former columnist and editorial page editor for the Clearwater Sun. Send Driver an email at tralee71@comcast.net.
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