In Pinellas County we have our own brand of stupid criminals who often prove that they are not the brightest colors in the crayon box.
Like the man who wanted to make a deal with a cop and confess to a crime in exchange for not getting a traffic ticket. He admitted to selling drugs ... and got the ticket anyway, and a one-way ride to the Pinellas County Jail when El Dumbo showed his stash to prove that he was telling the truth.
Shoplifters give the best excuses. One woman crammed several tubes of lipstick into a body cavity. During the interrogation she sneezed and two tubes of ruby red clanged to the floor. She then denied ownership of the items.
Another character was caught stealing from a department store. His excuse was that he needed clean clothes for church services.
A Pinellas Park man was arrested after he tried to get a fake prescription filled. He wrote his real name and address on the script. Another rocket scientist held up a convenience store not only while wearing his work shirt with the name of his employer emblazoned across the back, but his name tag as well!
Then there was a motorist who crashed into a light pole and sped off, only to be caught moments later. When asked why he fled, the suspect told police; “I got fired from my job and drove like an idiot.”
One Wal-Mart employee went on his break to make some extra cash by snatching purses in a nearby parking lot. He told police he “was disappointed in himself for making such a stupid mistake and was sorry.”
Another Mensa dropout was stopped by police for having an illegal license plate. When a police officer asked what he would find in the car the suspect answered, “probably my marijuana pipe.”
Nothing like being honest with the law.
Then there was the couple who tried to hijack one car, only to have the victim put up a fight. While police were investigating that incident the bumbling carjackers returned to the same parking lot and tried again. Cops knew their identities because they had responded to their home, just a block away, an hour earlier to investigate a domestic complaint.
Suicide is not a laughing matter, but one man did cause a few smiles when he drenched himself with gasoline. After patting himself down he surrendered. He’d forgotten the match to set himself ablaze.
There was the Brandon man who led Pinellas Park police on a brief chase. He later told officers that he had intended to stop after he finished his marijuana cigarette.
A woman in Largo told police she and a friend had been meeting at various secret locations to enjoy sex together. She called police to report that her partner walked off with her undergarments and pants.
Now why would someone report that?
Probably for the same reason a Treasure Island man called Pinellas County sheriff’s deputies to complain that his girlfriend assaulted him with a sex toy.
