Driver's Seat
The cosmetic surgery slowdown
By BOB DRIVER, columnist
| Article published on Tuesday, Oct. 7, 2008 |
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A noteworthy trend is the recent downturn in the number of plastic surgeries being performed. The medical specialists who perform nip and tuck are reported to be in a grave slump ever since the subprime mortgage crisis began. All over the country, women (and some men) have decided to postpone their face- lifts and tummy trims until the economy improves.
This testifies to the fundamental good sense of Americans. Most people would rather pay the mortgage and eat regularly than get rid of wrinkles and cellulite. Such balanced thinking lends hope for our future as the leaders of the free world.
The decrease in plastic surgery also means fewer embarrassing questions for parents to answer. “Mommy, why doesn’t Mrs. McGiver smile any more? When I say hello to her, she just stares at me, real wide-eyed.”
“Susie, Mrs. McGiver has joined a new religion called post-maxillo-epidermal trans-analysis that forbids its members to smile, laugh, cry or eat large slices of pizza in one mouthful. Now shut up and do your homework.”
Fewer face-lifts also means more effective anti-terrorism measures as practiced by security firms. Many of them employ electronic recognition systems, in which a worker’s face is compared to a photo of him/her taken on his first day of employment. But a worker’s subsequent cosmetic surgery can turn such a device into hamburger. At a defense plant in Oregon, a 63-year-old chemist named Elise Shtup was falsely accused of being an impostor after she underwent a face lift that made her look like a 40-year-old Asian film star. The company quickly changed its rules. It now requires body searches and fingerprinting of any employee with a history of cosmetic hanky-panky.
What happens when you’re a successful plastic surgeon and suddenly you find yourself without any more clients? Where do you turn? I know a couple of cosmetic surgeons who simply went back to being butchers in St. Louis. Others have found work in auto repair shops, fixing up dents and scratches on expensive foreign cars. Has either of our presidential candidates stated his position on plastic surgery? Fat chance of that happening. However, I did read about a proposal to give a tax break to persons who undergo any sort of medical procedure that improves their looks. That’s because attractive persons are more likely to be hired, and also earn more money than those of us who are average in appearance.
That reminds me of the joke about the job applicant who was advised to lose 20 pounds of ugly fat. So he went out and got himself beheaded. This was during the French Revolution, you see. When so many folks were sent to the guillotine? OK, let’s just skip it.
Among the hundreds of plastic surgeons whose patient lists have recently nose-dived, I’d like to think there are at least a few who are using this economic slowdown as a chance to perform pro bono work for people who really need reconstructive surgery but who can’t afford it. I want to believe that medical groups such as Doctors Without Borders have seen a surge of cosmetic-specialists. And not just in medicine. As today’s economic darkness deepens, so does the need for each of us to light a candle and seek out corners to illuminate with our skills, our material resources or just our caring presence.
Send Bob Driver an e-mail at tralee71@comcast.net.
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Article published on Tuesday, Oct. 7, 2008
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