I have an elbow problem. And it has nothing to do with drinking. For some reason, my left arm stopped working. Until I met with my doctor, I wasn’t sure if I needed to take pills or spray it with WD-40.
I know what you are thinking: Germond’s writing about one of his silly maladies again. Why doesn’t he write about somebody else’s serious health problems? Point taken. How about Sen. Ted Cruz. What type of affliction would cause anybody to blabber for more than 21 straight hours? I’d rather listen to the Turtleman on Animal Planet all day – or one of the snarling critters he traps in somebody’s barn.
Hope I never run into Sen. Cruz in a bar. He’s not the kind of person I’d care to bend an elbow with. Especially not my aching left elbow.
Funny what goes through your mind when an extremity fails to function for a few days. Made me appreciate even more the challenges people face coping with the loss of a limb.
For two days, I didn’t floss with my left hand because I couldn’t bend my elbow. So I bought a package of disposable miniature dental floss holders. After a 15-minute odyssey using my right hand to control the device, I was struggling to yank the string out of my mouth. The damn package didn’t come with a tutorial.
Coincidentally, I had a dental appointment a few days later, and I asked my hygienist for specific advice.
“Just do the best you can,” she said.
She gave me high marks for at least trying to fight the good fight against gum disease, saying she’s heard it all when it comes to people not flossing, such as a patient’s excuse that she didn’t bring floss with her when she flew to Atlanta.
“They don’t have dental floss in Atlanta?” the hygienist said.
And, as far as I know, it’s still legal to put dental floss in your suitcase, although the airlines might charge you for flossing on the plane.
Not sure how I suddenly came down with a case of tendonitis, arthritis or whatever 18-letter medical term describes my condition, but I suspect it was caused by the cumulative effect of years of brandishing a racquetball racket and pounding computer keyboards.
Participating in keg throwing at the Oktoberfest at Indian Rocks Beach a few years ago probably wasn’t a good idea, either. Won’t be doing it this year. Goliath, I ain’t.
I also vow to refrain from pounding my fist on my furniture and speaking in the pejorative about long-winded politicians in D.C.
For a couple of days, since I control my electronic mouse with my right hand, I was able to read email and perform some computer tasks with one notable exception. Typing with one hand leaves a lot to be desired.
So I apologize to my readers who received some rather terse replies to their emails last week, such as “yes” and “no.”
Finally, after receiving some pills from my doctor and icing down my elbow for 21 straight hours, the pain subsided. I’m also studying ergonomics, which is kind of vague on whether keg throwing is a risk factor for muscular-skeletal disorders.
Though I’m feeling better, all the antics of our elected senators and representatives in Washington continue to leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Yet another reason to floss. Try spearmint. You don’t have to go to Atlanta to find it.