It doesn’t matter whether you’re the black sheep or the family favorite, or if you have a perfectly dysfunctional or disgustingly perfect family. Ultimately, we choose who to keep in our most intimate circle, and that group of people becomes one’s family. Whether or not they share blood with you becomes irrelevant.
For those of us with strong and supportive blood families, this expands our support network and adds to the list of people whom we deeply love and who deeply love us. For those whose families fall short or fail to meet one’s emotional needs, friends are a second chance for the fundamental need for family and closeness. In both cases, no family is perfect, but true friends can fill those gaps.
We no longer live in an age where it is assumed that one’s family by blood all live nearby and are one’s primary support network. Although I’m close with my family, half of them live in New Hampshire and the other half live in Minnesota. With my in-laws in Kentucky, that leaves my husband – Nick – and me on our own here in Florida except for my aunt and uncle in Port Saint Lucie. Life mainly consisted of just me and my husband until this past year.
We found what we call our tribe. This is our little group of closest friends who may as well be family.
If you believe in past lives, then Kim must have been my sister at some point. In this life, however, she is the big sister I’ve never had but always wanted. She’s my confidant, my belly dance sister and teacher, my mentor and mentee. She’s my best friend.
Our dear friend Patti completes the primary circle of our little tribe, with her quick wit, delightful imagination, fierce loyalty and she shares Nick’s and my proud geekiness. She, too, is becoming like a sister to me, and we have been mistaken numerous times as such.
Between the four of us, I know we’ll never lack for a listening ear, a comforting shoulder, healing belly laughs, creative inspiration, honest advice, or loving hugs. We know we can rely on each other for anything, day or night, and no matter what life throws at us, we’ll get through it together. We’re not related by blood, but we may as well be.
From here, there’s a ripple effect of primary circles linking and expanding the overall tribe as we meet and befriend the other people in our friends’ primary circles.
The best part of this arrangement is that it doesn’t make us keep family and friends in two different categories. They are fluid. Nick and I recently joined Kim on a family trip, and I loved the opportunity to get to know her parents – the people who helped shape my friend into the woman she has become. And I can hardly wait for my family to trek down to Florida this New Year’s from New Hampshire. One of the first things I want to do is introduce my family to my tribe. I look forward to introducing my little sister, Malia, to my “big sister,” Kim and my would-be twin, Patti.
I love my family and feel blessed to have them in my life. But I also equally love my tribe. And my world is a more beautiful place for it.
